Friday, July 01, 2005
She is Driving me Crazy
It's not a soul mate...not a work mate...not the usual relationship hiccup. It's my dear sister. After the laparoscopic surgery in May, for adhesion, she went into a self-inflicted trauma, developing into panic attack. Adhesion is when the tissues of the body grow together as a result of inflammation developing into pain.
I remembered how horrible government hospital is with my personal experience and my sister's case, sort of justify my thoughts are not really bias. Last year, a few doctors decided to operate on my sister, then just 13 of age with a open blade of at least 1 c.m. claiming a diagnosis of appendicitis when she had an extreme episodes of 'tummy ache'. In the end, she was 'cut up' they found no inflame appendix, they cut it with convenience, since she was to be operated.
This surgery started her chapters of near 12 months of pain where she visited all the GPs around the neighbourhood...finally Admitted to Mt Alvernia Hospital where the residential medical officer got the attention of a good surgeon who diagnose the adhesion, completing the May laparoscopic surgery cutting away the walls of stomach tissues from the first insane open surgery.
In the early hours of 30th of June, my sister lapsed into an new episode of pain and fainted. Hours before so, I laid some olive oil on my sister, prayed in spirit with my younger brother believing the truth, "Our sister is healed in Jesus Name." It is the deception of the Devil, as Satan loves to point us to our flesh while Our Lord constantly wants us to look at the complete work on the Cross, Amen?! Jesus's last words were, "It is finished...!", not "Halfway finished" or "I think it is finished." I am not a Saint but my living testimony and 'first hand' experience of healing, constantly leads me to share his complete work on the cross, not just for me...for all who believes, through his transgression, we are healed...
Dr. Wong (Surgeon) told me it was not the first time she had examined my younger sister after the surgery, I had no idea such had happened as my "China-Man" family tradition practices decision from parents, be it they know or do not know what they are doing. My parents will seek options from me when they knew it was the last straw. Don't get me wrong, I love them, yes I do 'hate them' at times with making decisions that I felt was not rational. Dr. asked me to describe the scene how my sister fainted and I did my best I could.
"I had done all physical checks and I ran out of ideas. I am sure your sister is fine after the laposcopic surgery for adhesion and I cannot find any reasons with several consultations after which I had seen her, without your presence. My opinion is that she seemed to be on a panic attack. During a panic attack, that could be triggered by any, leading her to breathe too fast, inhaling more oxygen than needed and the mind will 'black out'. Her body will tense up leading to a fall, that had similar traits of losing consciousness...." that's part of the Surgeon conversation as much as I can remember.
Dr. Wong tried to explain to my parents but it is really hard for them to believe a panic attack can be so "dramatic". "Are there any other parts of the body linking to the pain?" My mum continued in disbelief..."Panic Attack" is my old time enemy. I am not surprised and agree with what the Surgeon had related.
During a panic attack, the victim can fall flat on the floor 'drowning' one thinking he/she is dying...fast. Panic attack is worst than physical illness as it is the attack of the mind, controlling all your main physical organs in your body. At the moment, you feel so helpless and hope God will lead you back to Heaven...In other Word, Death is an appealing option. One of our sister in Christ, recovered from Panic attack, that I witnessed with a Pastor. This 'invisible' traumatic medical issue led her not able to work and she lapsed into progressive, panic attacks that nothing can control her of...
I am sharing this as such illness is complicated to diagnose and it can happen to anyone. Nothing is impossible to the Lord and sister in Christ was healed and I was healed from panic attack that crippled my life. I basically then was like the living dead, waking up to take medication and sleep, hoping to sleep away all the pain. The Rick Warren book opened up a new dimension of 'worship' that I personally believe for years and I am no Saint or a Pastor, I thought if I speak of it, others will just sweep me off, thinking, "He is mad...who is he to say such?"
When we learn to love others, it is a form of 'Worship'. The greatest commandment of all that Lord Jesus shared, "Love one another as I have First Love you." Though I faced mountains of obstacles daily, these months of 'isolation' from Church, I learn to love others. Yet, when you do so, expect NO returns as with expectations, it comes disappointment. Be prepared for others to criticize you as not all will take your approach as 'loving', in Singapore they have a term for 'busy-body' it's called , "Kapoh" pronounce as "Ke Poh".
In the past, when I see any injustice, I will jump in and sort it out, they labelled me as "impulsive". Damn, I was just trying to help...Oh I learn a simple theory: "God Loves Man, God Helps Man, Not Man Help God". Self-effort is a pack of losing cards...I notice Fear and Pride leads us to confusion without realizing the Love of God. "We aren't God and never will be. We are humans. It is when we try to be God that we end up most like Satan, who desired the same thing. We accept our humanity intellectually, but not emotionally. When faced with our own limitations, we react with irritation, anger, and resentment. We want to be taller (or shorter), smarter, stronger, more talented, more beautiful and wealthier..."
When I understand one is in trouble, mostly emotionally that leads to our spirit, our body and soul, I try to speak to him/her. I will SMS [text/ping] words, slowly I will input verses from the Bible as I came to understand when you try to be 'Holy', people will think hey, this is another religious ***. Anyway, we are Holy as Jesus is Holy. Amen?! We can never be Holy...even in trillions years, forget about it...When I am down, sister Penny does the same to me, my words can never be enough to praise God as He never fails to cast his love when you need him most, his love will warm your heart or someone, somehow or so will indirectly show you love from Jesus. It is a matter of awareness...if you truly surrender your life to God and believe in Him, he will never forsake you...
The period when I serve the Lord in Church, I learn the most practical 'mindset' from some of the brothers in Christ. "Godwyn, when you face problems, you have no control, pray and tell God it's God's problem, not yours." The amazing thing is to witness them doing such and the cliché's of "Let Go Let God" happen into reality. 'wow..."ok Too Long...STOP!
I just want to share some verses the Lord spoke and these are for all who are feeling depressed like I do, yet when I fall, I shall...arise...Amen?! God's promises:
"The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you! He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." Deut 31:8
"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted. And saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18
"Shout for joy, O Heavens! And rejoice, O earth! Break forth into joyful shouting, O Mountains! For the Lord has comforted His people And will have compassion on His afflicted. But Zion said, "The Lord has forsaken me, And the Lord has forgotten me." Can a woman forget her nursing child And have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget but I will Not Forget You." Isaiah:49:13-15
The Grace of Lord Jesus is more than enough to deliver you through All Things:
"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulations brings about perseverance and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us." Romans 5:1 -5