Monday, August 22, 2005

Tribulations - To Destroy us?

The Lord is never slow to show his loving kindness and surely his love endures forever...Really? Read on...I seem to get myself in an algorithm, one issue solved, another arise, a loop of 'syntax errors'. My Dad had 'settled down' with weeks of intensive medical treatment from Bi-Polar Disorder, but he seems so different...
Dad used to be the pillar of strength in the family, he loves me and often encourages me when I fall over stones of life. Recent months, it was a turn of tides, especially for the last 2 weeks, he seems to be in a World of his own. A World of fear and anxiety...he get anxious easily and though his delusions are greatly dismissed, it still linger around...Dad would get me to park his vehicle over and over again, thinking it was out of line...
I would try to be as patient as I can but I would burst into anger with mean words as my level of tolerence is not high. He would repeat his words and many a time, it makes no sense, at times I do not know if I am in a position to laugh, cry or confront him with anger...
Few days back, I brought him to the Doctors that confirmed he had cataract in both eyes that obsures his sight. During the different 'stages' of complete diagnosis, one of which is to read alphabets of different sizes, he kept proclaiming he can see the alphabets though all his answers are obviously inaccurate. I had to advise the therapist to 'ignore' him and briefly brush her away without going through the process of explaining his delusion from Manic Depression...
I brought along my Bible to read while I expect waiting time from the medical consultation. I prayed in spirit for guidance as I felt crushed in spirit after battles of 'end-ending battles'. "What should I do next? Oh Lord? You had delivered me through your grace from all the impossible, are the trials given to destroy me?" I was near to tears thinking my sister was at one hospital under-going pain theraphy while I am in another with my Dad, a few days to come will be my own medical consulation...
A voice spoke, "My son, give attention to my words; Incline your ear to my sayings." I open my Bible & out came Proverbs 4:20-23, "...Do not let them depart from your sight; Keep them in the midst of your HEART. For they are LIFE to those who find them And HEALTH to all their body. Watch over your HEART with all diligence, For from it FLOW the SPRINGS of LIFE." I tear but I felt the warmth of Daddy in Heaven and Love of Lord Jesus, I know I am not alone...& Abba is never slow to show his loving kindess and his love endures forever...
I remembered the teaching of Pastor Prince from the verse and reminded myself to Guard my heart, "Let not my heart be troubled neither be afraid..." when going through difficult times, it is essential that our heart remains stable & steadfast in truth. When our heart begins to waver, then to the same degree that our emotions begin to change, we will hinder grace from flowing out of us. Once we stop the flow of grace, we are limited to the extend of our own ability.
Even in tribulations, when things look the worst, when there is no reason to believe the best, we should keep ourselves joyful, boasting in our confident as Jesus said in our legacy:
"Shalom I leave with you, My Shalom I give to you not as the world gives that I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.."

2 comments:

cybeRanger said...

Will uphold you in my prayers.
May Abba Father bless through you mightily...

Ann said...

never blame yourself when you lose your cool with your family members, do not feel bad when the wave is so strong and seems that faith and hope are gone while you shall have faith.

Do not let all the spiritual "shall"s bind you..haha

Just do not go for the guilt trip...lol..not fun.

relax, and do not try hard, it is not easy. and pls love yourself more, treasure yourself more as the Lord treasures you.